she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
