watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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