and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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