I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Randomize
