there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Alive.
So much puke
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Randomize
