Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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