You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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