so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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