I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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