just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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