You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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