Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
