Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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