apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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