Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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