it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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