i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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