so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children