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You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
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