i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?