cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods