So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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