if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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