remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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