people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
