Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
