My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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