life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
