im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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