if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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