I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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