Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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