His pubic hair was longer than his dick
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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