I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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