I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
