i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
