Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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