It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
