If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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