Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were destined to go to rehab together
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
