SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
