The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My cat gives me a boner
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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