i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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