I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
