Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
