If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
