It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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