You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
