I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
