Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
