u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
