Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
