i always forget guys have bellybuttons
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
