they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
