I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
