marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
