bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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