Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
