Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
