Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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