The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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