i don't like sucking hair
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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