Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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