when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
