it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
