a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
