Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
