is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize