Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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