The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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