they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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